Thursday, August 21, 2008
That;s right, you bastards, I am officially a pumkin expert, working at Vala's Pumpkin Patch this fall. For those of you who don't know of the patch, it is as close to heaven as one can get within 40 minutes of Omaha.
Abby and I have gone almost every fall for our entire lives. Turkey legs, cider at the food barn, trips through the abandonned mine shaft, haunted houses (but not too haunted, only anamatronically haunted) and of course hayrack rides.
See you this fall motherfuckers. LEt me know if you want a free pass.... I got connections.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
They all work at organic food stores.
They are home-grown, wooden-house, plaid-and-bandana-wearing girls.
They play with big, scrappy, brown or black dogs with pointy ears whose tails whap half-drunk beers.
The Becks takes Mishka in her hands and advises us (while saying that she doesn't like to give advice) to "Always pet your dog's feet.
"Your vet will thank you, and he will know you really love animals."
She is putting little midnight-blue rubber booties on big, black, quiet Mishka.
Leslie and I are keeling over at the sight of it.
Mishka is a real Buddha. We are meeting Siddhartha and it tickles us.
I thought it might become a comic. It laid groundwork. The comic became "Polaroids" for Good Minnesotan (which Abby will also appear in), which is half about Abby and I driving back from Omaha on the 3rd and talking and playing Laurie Anderson, and half about watching the fireworks from the Stone Arch Bridge in Minneapolis with my friend Lauren.
I'll put the comic up as soon as it's done, by the end of the month.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
The lovely David Sedaris makes drawings. Will someone publish a book of them?
"Recently, instead of signing my name, I’ve been drawing little things in people’s books. You know, just little mementos. Like, I’ve been drawing these old-timey signs and on them I write “Abortions: three dollars.” And I just think I’m hilarious. Sometimes I’ll draw a little knot in the sign to make it look even more quaint. I don’t know why that makes me so happy. This woman, she introduced herself by saying she was very liberal, but she just didn’t want the abortion sign in the front jacket of her new book. So, I asked her, ‘what if I changed it to thirteen dollars [for an abortion]?’ Again, I have no idea why that makes me so happy. I used to draw Abe Lincoln with a bubble coming out of his mouth that says “friendship is a cancer” or an owl saying “I like black people.” This is what happens when you’ve been signing books for nine hours." - interview with The Stranger (which, despite this neat interview, The Seattle P-I is superior to)
This is very relevant to the idea and genesis of this blog because on the drive from Omaha to Minneapolis Abby and I were listening to David -- and the comic I'm making about that journey showed that, but then I replaced him with Laurie (Anderson).
I still love you, though, David.
You will marry me, won't you? I like you better than real people in my real life.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Sunday, August 10, 2008
I spent the evening in the company of my new acquaintance. He was born blind in 1917, about to turn 91 years of age, and beginning the preliminary stages of Alzheimer’s. We sat across from one another, chit chatting in a repetitive circle of questions.
“You go to choich (church)?”
“No, Rev. I don’t.”
“Well, don’t foiget (forget) God.”
“Do you live here?”
“No Rev. This is your home.” pause…
“Ok. Buh-bye now.”
Perhaps the new circumstances of 24 hour watch had confused the consistency of his life. Ten days before I had been employed to watch over this amourotic nonagenerian, he had been found a block from his home in the middle of the night with no idea where he was going or what he was doing. Several details of the story were omitted I’m sure because I know that his whole life he has slept in nothing but a pajama shirt with his privates to the soft touch of his bedsheets. He stood stooped over in the middle of 24th street, illuminated by a single light post; his baby blue night shirt, his bald head, and his weathered, dangling privates hanging between his toothpick legs. This alarming event had preempted the required round the clock care and therefore employed me as babysitter to the Reverend.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
I was thinking about houses, and my brain matter arrived at the house of the lord. We all know that some people see only brick buildings with sandstone frosting as the houses of the lord, so I suppose he must have a house for every day of the year and then some. But how does he protect his houses? Does he have a super cosmic alarm system, or a barking walrus with a gold chain? I think not, God protects itself, with a padlock and a chainlink fence.
p.s. I am considering the mass production of bumper stickers to be placed on all the mercedes and BMW's of the world, along with the jalopies, any thoughts?
1. H.R. Pufnstuf came to mind first, obviously.
2. mcdonalds ripped off the H. R. Pufnstuf design for some of their own creatures... then I remembered a creepy mcdonalds creation, the hamburger patch. here is one such hamburger.
3. then i looked over and saw andrew reading the onion with this image in it! Synchronicity!
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
So, I was thinking, "Batman" has suprised us all, being a movie that everyone on this blog appreciated more that we all thought.
Well, I was on Entertainment Weekly's website this morning (as part of my job) and I saw this. I was thinking we could all do some sort of clown-type post. ou could even do something on the Joker, who isn't a clown, necissarily, but you get my point.